photo @cherishadrea (Instagram)
"I’m ashamed to say that even after all God had done, I still spent many evenings worrying." Natasha Metzler
Ditto, girlfriend. Ditto.
I was recently reading a series of posts by a blogger I love- you can find her here: www.natashametzler.com - and she was relaying God's goodness in a particularly trying season of their lives trying to adopt and build a house at the same time. How God provided for them was completely miraculous but she admitted even the big miracles weren't enough to settle her worries.
I know the feeling. The fact is, God has come through with some seriously huge miracles in trying to build our own family. Even now, I'm celebrating making it to 28 weeks today! Viability! The start of my 3rd trimester! And even staring those miracles in the mirror each morning doesn't stop me from fearing that he isn't finishing this journey with me.
WHAAAAAT??? How am I still so pitifully faithless?
"You’d think I’d believe by then, wouldn’t you? You’d think that I would have just charged ahead...God had this, y’all! He did. But I still struggled to believe. So God just kept showing up." Natasha Metzler
Oh how our wonderful God diligently shows up in our faithlessness to
Every single step of this pregnancy I have plenty to worry about. More than enough to consume my heart and blind me from God's goodness. I'm entirely capable of blocking out his provision looking instead at all the darkness that "could" overtake me.
The what-ifs. The statistics. The horror stories people insist on sharing. The compounding terror. It consumes, smothers, overwhelms, suffocates. Kills. It kills whatever little faith I can muster.
Oh, God. I'm drowning here! He knows. He didn't want me to choose this path. He tried to keep me from it and I ignored him.
And still he gives. Still he meets my needs. He shows up and calms my fears. Through his Word. In the stillness of the night. Through worship lyrics that shuffle on my ipod. Through others: A note in the mail. A surprise visit. A small gift. A kind gesture. A text. A Facebook comic. A back rub from my hubby. An offer to make us dinner.
And I'm humbled. Brought back to a simple place where friends become family and family reaches across miles to send love and encouragement. Reminding me that I. AM. NOT. ALONE. It's not too much. It's not too long. It's not too far. We. Will. Make. It.
"I think that was when I first started to actually believe. So like Thomas, I had to see the evidence before finding confidence." Natasha Metzler
Oh ye of little faith. ye=me.
Forgive me, Jesus. I haven't let you shine in me. I've let the enemy overwhelm me because I've listened to his lies. I can't walk this road without you...you've watched me try. Let's start again.
"And this is the God I serve. When I’m probably breaking His heart with my faithlessness, He gives me gifts. He whispers, “I know you’re scared. I know you’re afraid. But I’ve got this.”" Natasha Metzler
"For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs." Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
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