Lucky number 7

 We've hit lucky number 7!

Liv's 7th year was such a blast...I really like this age! She's a crazy smart cookie, very funny, super inquisitive little girl.  She felt very grown up to me this year...more like a short friend than a child.  Her personality really blew up this year and became more solidified.  It's amazing how you think you know your kid to be a certain way but as Liv's personality sort of came into focus we saw the nuances of what makes her uniquely her and not just a mashup of me and Ken.

Moving into 1st grade also made her so much more grown up to me.  There was something about Kindergarten that made her still seem so small but in 1st grade she leveled up.  She is consistently praised by her teacher for being a kind friend, good listener, and careful worker. We still work a lot on her overabundant attention at trying to be perfect but it's also easier to explain why we don't expect her to be perfect when she's that much older than the conversation the year before.  

Liv spent the summer in intense swimming lessons called Infant Self-Rescue where she learned how to float and flip over on her back to tread water. She had to jump in the water fully clothed at one point to prove she could stay calm and do all the maneuvers she had been taught.  The lessons were incredibly time-consuming and not cheap but because both she and I love the water so much I'm glad we invested in them to give her the tools to be in the water alone safely. 

Liv was also a flower-girl in the late-summer wedding of the boy who was our ring-bearer 18 years earlier...and of course she was stunning.  She spent time with her cousins on my side of the family when my brother and his wife came to visit in June, and several visits to see her twin cousins in Washington in the fall and over spring break.  She frequently gets to see my sister's kids when they are visiting my parents in Emmett and she still spends a lot of time with my parents on her days off of school when Ken and I have to work.

We spent lots of time with friends like my bestie's little boy, Nix, and girlfriends, Penny, Hadley and her school bestie, Juniper.  I'm so thankful to know so many friends that are also raising only-children (or close to it) and know how vital it is to get the kiddos together.  Liv is my errand buddy, shopping companion and twin explorer.  We go swimming all summer, go grocery shopping, visit the mall (she still has a thing for escalators) and when it gets nice again outside, we start visiting all the nurseries in town looking at plants and flowers.

Ken and I also leveled up our family-outing game this past year, taking Liv to a hockey game, drag racing, on several camping trips, and we went to an observatory to see the stars and some planets through a cool telescope.  I took her to see the Nutcracker at Christmas and Ken introduced her to BSU sports taking her to see the women's basketball team and we also saw the women's gymnastics meet as a family.  We have tickets to see a broadway show this summer and I have plans to check out the Discovery Center of Idaho later this summer.

Some gems I collected this year:

• "Daddy, you and Mommy are my style..."
• Liv sitting in the back seat of the car on the way to school, her legs crossed like a business women and her hands folded primly in her lap..."Mom, can we talk together?"
• Me: "Liv, you're not making much progress on your dinner."                                                             Liv:  "Well, that's because I'm not very interested in it."
• Ken accidentally shocked her with static electricity and she yelped, "Dad!  You sparked me!"
• I asked her what she wanted to go to college for and she answered, "a home painter."  But what I thought she meant as someone who paints the interior or exterior of a home, she meant an artist who stays home and creates masterpieces all day!
• While at a BSU basketball game with her dad who was explaining how the game is separated into periods, Liv observed: "so there are three ways to use the word period...1. at the end of a sentence. 2. counting during a basketball game. 3. the kind mom has.
• On our way to (early!!) swim lessons all summer, Liv lamented, "Mom, some parts of my body are still asleep."    (same, baby girl, same)
• She created a mer-cat-icorn (mermaid cat with a unicorn horn)
• Favorite worship song: When the Lions Roar

Ken write's Liv's 6th B-day post...

 

Six years ago tonight, at 0128, our little miracle came into this world. To say the previous 4 years were hard would be an understatement. There was the loss of Jaxson in 2012 and a miscarriage of a second, we refer to as Kiwi in 2014. So, around August of 2015 after trying and trying, we had basically made the decision not to try anymore. However, on a Sunday night towards the end of that September while I was in the Tri-Cities for some training, Jana showed me the pregnancy test via Skype. I think my statement was, “how the hell did that happen.” Needless to say, the next 9 months were some stress filled months with a few scares, but we made it.

The afternoon before she was born. I was at my house in the living room when I got a call from Jana. She was at a planned visit to the doctors in Tonasket. She said Rocky her boss was going to come pick me up and take me to the hospital. They were going to induce her. After a few more stressful hours, Ms. Hope arrived. One of the first things Jana asked the doctor as she was in tears, was if she was OK. She was and she was perfect.

That night/morning as I was laying down in the room and had Liv on my chest, she made the cutest chirps and coos and she hasn’t stopped making noise since. Which I would say she gets from her mom. However, I would also say she is a great blend of Jana and I. She has a kind heart and can make friends at a drop of a hat. She is very inquisitive and loves school. Car rides are full of questions of “How do you say, spell. or what does that say” or “give me a hard math problem.” She is probably going to one of those annoying kids that are good in both English (mom) and Math (dad). She has a quirky and goofy sense humor like my mom and just cracks herself up at times. (If you know my mom, you know what I mean.) She is in fully kitty mode and loves everything about kitties. I’m training her in the ways of rock and roll. She loves listening to Skillet and I have a play list for her called “Olivia’s Jesus Music” with Sovereign Grace Music which she listens to a night.

I often look in my rearview mirror while driving and I am hit with a truck load of emotions. There is fear because of what we have already gone through with Jaxson. There is fear of me not being around for her as she grows up. There is a sense of my responsibility and my life long battle of self-doubt and confidence that I’m not up to it. It is overwhelming how much she loves me, and I know because I can hear it in her voice when she calls me “daddy.” Then there is awe of this amazing creation of God’s and how she is a gift from above. Ultimately amongst the battle of emotions, I know He is sovereign, and I will l rest in that even if it is a daily battle. I will do my best to raise her and enjoy it as much as possible. In the meantime, Happy Birthday Olivia Hope Waddell. Your mom and dad love you more than you know.

Liv turns 5

 

How is this possible?

In the wee hours of a Saturday morning 5 years ago Liv slipped into the world and before I could even see her, they were cleaning her off and cutting her cord and I asked the nurse standing beside me if she was OK.

"She's perfect." the nurse whispered with a smile.

I'd birthed her brother 4 years earlier in the same month and I couldn't bear the thought that something could go wrong even after successfully making it 37 weeks.  Those 2 words sunk deep into my spirit and probably for the first time since 2012 I let myself breathe one of those deep soul breaths...the kind that release all the tension you hold in your neck and shoulders.  She was here.  We made it.  And she was perfect.

Fast forward 5 years and I asked my dear friend, Toni, to try and capture that tenacity that brought her safely to us in the first place.  Capture her spunk and sass, her beauty and mischief, her riotous curls and her laughing eyes.  And I am once again breathless.  Obviously I'm aware that my child is gorgeous but Ken and I were stunned into silence during her photo shoot...we were not aware of really how much trouble we are in for.

Liv is entering Kindergarten this Fall and we are thrilled that we were able to enroll her in a private, Christian school.  All of the public schools here are half day kindergarten and most of the all day programs have long wait lists.  I was thrilled to learn my annoying habit of scheduling registration reminders in my calendar paid off and we beat the wait list for her class.  I worry about her ability to stay awake all day 5 days a week because she doesn't listen very well when we tell her 8pm is bedtime but I suppose she could end up learning the hard way.  Getting her in school all day will let Ken work more and truly she loves being out and about like I do over staying home with Homebody Daddy.

She is still really into Frozen, Disney songs, The PJ Masks and Little Einsteins and I make her watch Bluey with me when she asks me to watch with her. She doesn't sit very well and is often found running, jumping and dancing around the house.  She hums and sings in the car, starts tickle wars with her father (that she always loses) and loves to shop and run errands with mom.  

Her kitten Rajah sleeps with her and Liv can feed her and let her in and out of the sliding glass doors to the backyard.  She loves to water plants and is looking forward to helping me in the garden this summer.  We bake and cook together, have play dates with our besties Hadley and Nixon and will likely spend all summer swimming and playing outside.

Some of her highlights from my journals this last year:

• calling Hand Sanitizer: hanzitizer
• "the smoke alarms only go off when mom is cooking"
• she calls the Glade bathroom spray (Macintosh scent) "poop apples"
• She told me pelicans should have candy in their big beaks instead of fish (she's not wrong)
• M&M's are pronounced emmyems, The Bearenstein Bears are pronounced bearsy-bears and the word animals is pronounced amamals
• "Mom...Jesus lives in my heart...and so do fairies."

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She's four.

What the WHAT?

Here we are again with the dandylions!  I just noticed I posted pictures of her playing with the puffy flowers on her 3rd birthday now a year later not much has changed that way.

But everything else?  MAJOR CHANGES!

In Olivia's 3rd year of life:

• we sold the "blue house" and moved in with "Auntie Sissy"
• started preschool and fell in love with her teacher, Miss Theresa
• Mommy started work full-time and Daddy went back to school online
• got a "partment" (important distinction made that we no longer live in a 'house')
• transferred to a new preschool with Teacher Cailee
• the world entered a pandemic and normal life as Liv knew it got "cancelled"
• started preschool online via Zoom and Teacher Brandi
• Mommy and Daddy decided to build a new house
• Idaho re-opens May 1st and Liv gets a playdate with her cousins, time with Nana and Papa and a stroll through a real store again with Mommy

Overall I'd say Liv handled COVID madness really well.  It was heartbreaking to explain to her that school, playdates, shopping and playgrounds were cancelled but my hours in the office were reduced so she and I spent lots of time outside with a soccer ball, frisbee and her new bike, courtesy of Grandma Dorothy.   She and Daddy went to the parks downtown and threw rocks in the river. We drove through Krispy Kreme for donuts and made our own oven baked donuts at home.  We wrote on the apartment patio in sidewalk chalk and made hopscotch grids.  We took walks along our neighborhood and hung out at Borah park. We watched a LOT of TV.

C'est la vie.

Now our little miracle is FOUR YEARS OLD and it hurts my brain to realize the same amount of time has passed since Liv was born as passed between Jaxson and Liv.  The first 4 years felt like an eternity and these second 4 years have happened, as all parents say, in the blink of an eye.

Liv definitely found her spunk this year.  More sass, more back-talking, more fists balled up at her sides when she doesn't get her own way, more stomping out of the room and eye rolling (THAT does not go over well with her Father...). Drama Queen much?

But this was also the year Liv fell in love with music and dance.  Girlfriend has every word to every Frozen song memorized.  COVID kinda blew up the last vestiges of naptime so without enough stimulus to wear her out every day she stopped sleeping...but can be found playing quietly in her room with her Kindle playing her Disney playlist on endless repeat.  She's gotten really girlie and suddenly loves all the princess dress-up clothes she got for Christmas. Wrapped in pink, lace and fluff she prances through the house with her wand and twirls in the kitchen.

She is in full-blown helper mode and always wants to be in the kitchen with me or putting the quarters in the machines for laundry.  She is my little coffee helper, pulling out her own step stool in the kitchen to climb up and use my Nespresso machine.  She knows how to do every step herself and it tastes delish.

I figure I'm in for a whirwind year with a 4 year old but I'm ready.  Liv has so much life and energy.  She is so funny and sweet and snarky. 

I'll leave you with my favorite highlight recently...poor girfriend will never live this down.  I was getting dressed for work and she picked up a bra and tried to put it on over her clothes while she looked at herself in the mirror.  She then proceeded to tell me, "Mom, this won't fit me.  My booms aren't big enough."

Insert hysterical laughter here.

New Year

Have you ever felt like the world is watching the worst version of yourself play out?

It reminds me of a Friends episode (there is a Friends episode for every situation in life) where Ross makes a list of pros and cons for 2 girls he likes in order to decide who he wants to be with.  He starts with the list of cons Rachel has and even though his one con for Julie is that she isn't Rachel, when Rachel finds out about the list of her worst traits she says, " Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you."

While I'm not aware that anyone currently has a list of my worst traits and is using them to stay away from me (although I wouldn't really blame them) I can relate to the emotion of that episode...I feel like I have been my very worst self for so long I can't remember when I last felt like I was walking out a life I was really proud of.  And I know that there are truly wonderful people around me, my husband, daughter, sister, mom, bestie, etc, who are putting up with a very angry, miserable person...and they are saints in my opinion for doing so. 


Looking back, I don't even know how I've gotten to this point.  How does a person go from being a relatively lively, positive, passionate person in her early 20's to a pessimistic, fatalistic, angry person in her late 30's? I could blame losing Jax, years of infertility, toxic relationships/jobs, or any number of other excuses but honestly they would be just that: excuses. 

Life happens and it's full of disappointments, loss, stress and hurt.  There is nothing especially worse about my life/circumstances than anyone else...and countless people prove every day they can exist alongside hellish circumstances and do it with joy and peace.  I simply haven't made choices to do the same.  Instead, I've spent hours of my life and thousands of dollars on therapy, medications, television, food, addictions, shopping, ANYTHING to dull my senses.

I've wasted years retreating from anything uncomfortable, defending my "right" to feel betrayed or wronged, excusing childish behavior, and generally spiraling into a never-ending frustration that my life isn't what I want it to be.  Which is dumb because on the surface my life is exactly how I want it.  I have a wonderful husband, a miracle daughter I prayed years for, a move back to my beloved city, a good job in the field I know, and proximity to fun stuff, family and friends I've wanted to be nearer to for years.

But underneath I go minute by minute through days where I'm downright impatient and angry.  Somewhere along the way I found it unacceptable to not get my own way.  Whether it's the driver in front of me who won't go faster, the client who doesn't respond to emails fast enough, my brother-in-law's job that took their family out of town for a month, the unexpected bill, the unpredictable subbing schedule...and on and on it goes.  Write a blank space and insert whatever daily, common occurrence that is bothersome or unplanned.  And for some reason I am inconsolable.  Only happy when everything goes as planned. Only peaceful when there are no disruptions.  Only joyful when I land on the smooth, winning side.  And on what planet does this ever happen? 

I'm so ashamed to admit it's gotten this bad...that I've let it get this far.  That I am THIS selfish and irrational. There is absolutely NONE of God's Spirit in this.  There is NO fruit from living this way.  I am FAR from the things I once thought I was running after: living like a Woman of God. Following the Spirit. Seeing fruit in my life. Spreading the fragrance of Christ wherever I go.  It's laughable.

Before I spiral into self hatred...remember I am someone who processes out loud and through writing/journaling.  Normally this material would be the kind of stuff I would write privately in a journal for only my eyes to see...and I do not share it here begging for attention.  My sister told me last night I was far too hard on myself...and she is right.  I have always held myself to an impossible standard of perfection and that is not godly either.  I find grace extremely hard to extend to others so obviously extending grace to myself is even harder to me to do.  No, I write it here because I liken it to public baptism.  Sometimes you have to expose the brutal truth and admit out loud that you see it in yourself and you're calling it out in yourself.  Sometimes you have to stand up and tell everyone enough is enough and it's time for a change...and saying it out loud makes it more real.  It draws the kind of attention to the change so you're less likely to pretend later you didn't say it.  I could write this in a journal, close the pages and walk away doing nothing to turn my life around.  I don't want that. 

The video at the top of this post is a JJ Heller song I found a few days ago that was really a catalyst for this introspection.  Here are the lyrics:

This year
I'm not looking back to who I was
Because I'm gonna be someone I've never been
This year
I'm not focused on the cracks in the walls
Not keeping track of all the times I fall
This year

So long to the last year
It's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight the good fight
Train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here. Happy New Year!

This year
I can't wait to see what good will come
To feel alive instead of feeling numb
This year
I plan on thinking less of I and me
I resolve to thing of us and we
This year

So long to the last year
It's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight the good fight
Train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here.
Happy New Year, Happy New Year!

I miss that 20-something girl who was out to change the world. She was passionate about telling teenagers they had value.  She could spend hours in worship, lost in God's tangible presence. She was going to devote her life to ministry in some way.  She loudly laughed unapologetically.  She cared far less what people thought of her than her 38-year old counterpart does.  It was pretty easy for her to be silly and thoughtful.  It didn't take the work it feels like it takes now. She was a lot quicker to forgive. She wanted to make a difference in people...she wanted to show them Jesus. She was less cynical, less sarcastic and a lot less foul-mouthed.

Something pure and innocent in us takes a hit as we get older. I guess I'm grieving what that younger me thought life was.  She was naive.  She wasn't perfect: she was judgy and full of weird religious stuff that needed to be dropped.  But she wasn't entirely wrong.  She knew God was good.  She believed He forgave and restored and she told people He did.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24 

I don't want to go back and be that 20-something self again.  No, I want to be the 38-year old self that God has called me to be...and who I've been is not it.  What life has thrown at me over the last 2 decades has purpose but I've not stewarded it well.  That is really what I want to change...how I respond to this life.  It will unfold as it does...often without my input first.  I'm tired of acting like a victim of it.  That is not how a Godly woman acts.  As Robin Jones Gunn puts it: I am a victim of Grace.  God's sweet, pure, loving grace.  And those around me should be able to see more than just a smidgen of that if I say I am His.  A million things about God and His church have changed in me over the years but that has not: I AM HIS.  Time to act like it.

Resurrection

May 14th, 2012 I asked God to resurrect my son, Jaxson.

May 15th, 2012 Jax was stillborn and I held his 1lb body in my arms. 

God did not resurrect his flesh like we asked.

6 days ago a 2 year old little girl died suddenly in her sleep and her Bethel worship-leader parents asked their church to stand with them to ask God to resurrect her.

The subsequent days of praying, worshiping, posting on social media and fundraising by Bethel have grabbed my attention and I've watched and read the unfolding of the story as it's gained traction on the internet. 

Can God resurrect this little girl?  I believe 100% can CAN.  I don't believe he will. And not because I'm jaded that God didn't answer my request to revive Jaxson.  But because I've come into more fully formed beliefs about eternity over the years.

There are 2 kinds of resurrection mentioned in scripture by Jesus: an earthly resurrection like that of Jarius' daughter and Lazarus.  Jesus raised them for his own purposes, to verify his power, and glorify his Father.  The other is an eternal resurrection: when the dead in Christ are raised to life and we rule and reign with him for eternity in the New Jerusalem on a remade earth.

I know the devastation of the abrupt loss of a child and subsequent grief that wrecks your days.  I know the heart cry that bursts forth begging God to change it.  I know the big faith it takes to ask God for something impossible and even bigger faith to believe He will do it. 

But I also know God doesn't generally respond when we back him into a corner and demand that he prove himself. You can't just put on a big worship conference, blast the prayer request all over social media and think God HAS to come through for you because of your giant faith. Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe this family honestly wanted to ask God for a miracle and asked their church family to stand with them in prayer.  THAT IS FINE.  But they happen to attend a megachurch with a feverish following online and frankly, their grief is being turned into a circus.  Real people are going to be affected by the non-resurrection of this little girl.  Not just the hurting family who won't get her back but the thousands of people with shallow faith following the cult-like behavior of Bethel who will undoubtedly call into question God's goodness by his refusal.

 The blindspot I see while everyone keeps asking for her resurrection SIX DAYS after she died is that SHE HAS ALREADY TASTED RESURRECTION! She is with Jesus!  Would YOU want to come back to earth after tasting the goodness of Jesus' presence?  Me neither.

Let's please remember: Jaxson's perfectly remade body was dancing with Jesus when we scattered his earthly ashes at Mt Rainier.  And one day, Ken and Liv and I will join him.  We wish we had him now and I will never not wish he had stayed with us; that God had preserved his life or intervened or even resurrected.  But God didn't.  And I don't blame him for that.  He is Sovereign and despite Pastor Bill Johnson's claims that not all die in God's timing (that's just outright heresy) no one lives or dies without God's input.

The bigger point is that we have no mind to conceive of eternity.  This life is so short lived...life without Jax. And I'm not looking forward to some fluff pink cloud heaven with harps and streets of gold...because heaven wasn't made for us humans.  This earth was.  So one day it will be remade and Jesus will be WITH us and we will experience with Jaxson EVERYTHING we missed on this side of eternity. We will get to make all of that lost time up.  Because when God rights a wrong he does it well.  The wrong is this fallen earth: but He redeems!

I believed in resurrection. I still do. But I'll take the eternal kind over the temporal every single time.  I weep for this family.  I've walked their road.  And I can say with confidence that God will walk with them through the pain and redeem this loss.  I really wish their pastor would tell them this. 

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Rev 21: 1-5

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26

 

Time to come down a notch

We're coming up on 4 months ago that I had a hair-brained idea to sell our house, change careers and move back to Southern Idaho.

And my body is going, "Yeah, this has been great but let's go on vacation instead. I need a break STAT."

I told my sister this morning that I can feel the all pent up adrenaline finally starting to wind down and now that we are getting most of the loose ends settled around here my physical body is kinda deflating like when you let the air out of a balloon all at once. I feel like I have hit a wall and I could sleep for a solid week. Don't mind me...I'll be over here zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So the latest development is that we have moved out of my sister's 5th wheel and into an apartment much closer to my work. No more 1+ hr commute!  I'm 15 minutes from my office and when Ken has to sub or take Liv to preschool he is driving against all the bad traffic. Woop! Woop!

It's a little weird living in an apartment again...reminds me of college...but those were good years :)  It's a cute 2 bedroom with just enough space for us, our downsized life and a 6lb cat. Clean, relatively quiet, with a pool I plan to enjoy this summer and a little playground for Liv.  The neighbor across the patio from us who greeted us our first day moving in is 108 years old, deaf as a doornail and absolutely adorable with a cute puppy named Barkley Liv will instantly be friends with. So far, no complaints.

The 5th wheel was fun and all...*cough*...a MAJOR shout out to my sister and her extremely patient hubby for sharing their home, trailer, kitchen, kids bathroom, backyard lawn and garage refrigerator with us for 6 weeks.  It was...well, we're all still friends and that's what matters most! In all seriousness, they were generous, kind and patient with a crazeball family of 3 in full upheaval.

I've settled into work at a RE/MAX office in Boise that I'm more than qualified to be a part of thanks to all my years of experience keeping Rocky in line. Frankly, this is a walk in the park so far!  LOL! For the time being I have my own office (subject to change as we grow), super kind co-workers and the anticipation of office growth that will let me do more Transaction Coordinating which is what I want to do more of. Every new adventure comes with quirks and the need to be flexible but all in all I think I landed a good gig and it's paying the bills so no complaints.

Ken recently passed his 4th class of the semester and should have just enough time to finish a 5th before we pay for another set of classes at the end of the year.  His mentor thinks he's a rockstar (and of course, he is) and seems impressed with his focus and drive to knock out these classes.  He's substitute teaching for one of the school districts and hasn't had any trouble picking up 1-2 sub jobs a week to get his foot in the door teaching and networking...not to mention bringing in another needed paycheck.

Liv started preschool last month and loves it as I knew she would.  Her teacher is so fabulous and Ken is Mr Mom dropping her off twice a week and chaperoning her class field trip to the pumpkin patch next week. She comes home with the cutest artwork some of which makes its debut in my office...my favorite being a painting of a racoon that she brought home and proudly told my mom was a painting of a "macaroon."

My mom and sister each watch Liv 1 day a week while Ken subs so she gets lots of cuddle time with Nana and Papa and playtime with her cousins.  Next week they are taking all 3 cousins to a harvest-themed bouncy playground and we plan to trunk or treat with my bestie and her little boy for Halloween.

Plus, Ken and I can actually go on more dates now!  Say what?  We bought tickets for the PBR this month and I have my eye on a weekend jaunt to McCall in November for our 15th anniversary. More babysitters to choose from here...something I'm not used to calling on and is taking some adjusting to my pride to ask for help.  Ken was subpoenaed for court this month and the back and forth with the prosecutor with my mom on standby for last minute Liv duty was super stressful to me.  Thankfully he didn't end up having to drive back to Okanogan county for court but I'm so thankful that I have more options here for help since I don't have flexibility in this job to stay home with her.  That too is a big adjustment.  As much as I struggled being a stay at home mom I miss the mom camaraderie and time letting Buggy hang with friends. Jamie and Kaila...Tim Horton's iced caps are calling my name!  SNIFF

Well...fall is here...it's getting freaking cold outside but that also means holidays are coming.  Super excited to be in Boise for Christmas and do all the Christmasy things that were hit and miss before depending on when/if I was in town.  Back home and feeling so good :)

Missing our Oroville family...our little church and all the wonderful people there...my girlfriends, MOPS group, RE/MAX co-workers, my beloved Blue Hairs and my neighbor, Priya. Not missing any drama. Bye Felicia.

XOXO and peace out from the Treasure Valley.