She's four.

What the WHAT?

Here we are again with the dandylions!  I just noticed I posted pictures of her playing with the puffy flowers on her 3rd birthday now a year later not much has changed that way.

But everything else?  MAJOR CHANGES!

In Olivia's 3rd year of life:

• we sold the "blue house" and moved in with "Auntie Sissy"
• started preschool and fell in love with her teacher, Miss Theresa
• Mommy started work full-time and Daddy went back to school online
• got a "partment" (important distinction made that we no longer live in a 'house')
• transferred to a new preschool with Teacher Cailee
• the world entered a pandemic and normal life as Liv knew it got "cancelled"
• started preschool online via Zoom and Teacher Brandi
• Mommy and Daddy decided to build a new house
• Idaho re-opens May 1st and Liv gets a playdate with her cousins, time with Nana and Papa and a stroll through a real store again with Mommy

Overall I'd say Liv handled COVID madness really well.  It was heartbreaking to explain to her that school, playdates, shopping and playgrounds were cancelled but my hours in the office were reduced so she and I spent lots of time outside with a soccer ball, frisbee and her new bike, courtesy of Grandma Dorothy.   She and Daddy went to the parks downtown and threw rocks in the river. We drove through Krispy Kreme for donuts and made our own oven baked donuts at home.  We wrote on the apartment patio in sidewalk chalk and made hopscotch grids.  We took walks along our neighborhood and hung out at Borah park. We watched a LOT of TV.

C'est la vie.

Now our little miracle is FOUR YEARS OLD and it hurts my brain to realize the same amount of time has passed since Liv was born as passed between Jaxson and Liv.  The first 4 years felt like an eternity and these second 4 years have happened, as all parents say, in the blink of an eye.

Liv definitely found her spunk this year.  More sass, more back-talking, more fists balled up at her sides when she doesn't get her own way, more stomping out of the room and eye rolling (THAT does not go over well with her Father...). Drama Queen much?

But this was also the year Liv fell in love with music and dance.  Girlfriend has every word to every Frozen song memorized.  COVID kinda blew up the last vestiges of naptime so without enough stimulus to wear her out every day she stopped sleeping...but can be found playing quietly in her room with her Kindle playing her Disney playlist on endless repeat.  She's gotten really girlie and suddenly loves all the princess dress-up clothes she got for Christmas. Wrapped in pink, lace and fluff she prances through the house with her wand and twirls in the kitchen.

She is in full-blown helper mode and always wants to be in the kitchen with me or putting the quarters in the machines for laundry.  She is my little coffee helper, pulling out her own step stool in the kitchen to climb up and use my Nespresso machine.  She knows how to do every step herself and it tastes delish.

I figure I'm in for a whirwind year with a 4 year old but I'm ready.  Liv has so much life and energy.  She is so funny and sweet and snarky. 

I'll leave you with my favorite highlight recently...poor girfriend will never live this down.  I was getting dressed for work and she picked up a bra and tried to put it on over her clothes while she looked at herself in the mirror.  She then proceeded to tell me, "Mom, this won't fit me.  My booms aren't big enough."

Insert hysterical laughter here.

New Year

Have you ever felt like the world is watching the worst version of yourself play out?

It reminds me of a Friends episode (there is a Friends episode for every situation in life) where Ross makes a list of pros and cons for 2 girls he likes in order to decide who he wants to be with.  He starts with the list of cons Rachel has and even though his one con for Julie is that she isn't Rachel, when Rachel finds out about the list of her worst traits she says, " Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you."

While I'm not aware that anyone currently has a list of my worst traits and is using them to stay away from me (although I wouldn't really blame them) I can relate to the emotion of that episode...I feel like I have been my very worst self for so long I can't remember when I last felt like I was walking out a life I was really proud of.  And I know that there are truly wonderful people around me, my husband, daughter, sister, mom, bestie, etc, who are putting up with a very angry, miserable person...and they are saints in my opinion for doing so. 


Looking back, I don't even know how I've gotten to this point.  How does a person go from being a relatively lively, positive, passionate person in her early 20's to a pessimistic, fatalistic, angry person in her late 30's? I could blame losing Jax, years of infertility, toxic relationships/jobs, or any number of other excuses but honestly they would be just that: excuses. 

Life happens and it's full of disappointments, loss, stress and hurt.  There is nothing especially worse about my life/circumstances than anyone else...and countless people prove every day they can exist alongside hellish circumstances and do it with joy and peace.  I simply haven't made choices to do the same.  Instead, I've spent hours of my life and thousands of dollars on therapy, medications, television, food, addictions, shopping, ANYTHING to dull my senses.

I've wasted years retreating from anything uncomfortable, defending my "right" to feel betrayed or wronged, excusing childish behavior, and generally spiraling into a never-ending frustration that my life isn't what I want it to be.  Which is dumb because on the surface my life is exactly how I want it.  I have a wonderful husband, a miracle daughter I prayed years for, a move back to my beloved city, a good job in the field I know, and proximity to fun stuff, family and friends I've wanted to be nearer to for years.

But underneath I go minute by minute through days where I'm downright impatient and angry.  Somewhere along the way I found it unacceptable to not get my own way.  Whether it's the driver in front of me who won't go faster, the client who doesn't respond to emails fast enough, my brother-in-law's job that took their family out of town for a month, the unexpected bill, the unpredictable subbing schedule...and on and on it goes.  Write a blank space and insert whatever daily, common occurrence that is bothersome or unplanned.  And for some reason I am inconsolable.  Only happy when everything goes as planned. Only peaceful when there are no disruptions.  Only joyful when I land on the smooth, winning side.  And on what planet does this ever happen? 

I'm so ashamed to admit it's gotten this bad...that I've let it get this far.  That I am THIS selfish and irrational. There is absolutely NONE of God's Spirit in this.  There is NO fruit from living this way.  I am FAR from the things I once thought I was running after: living like a Woman of God. Following the Spirit. Seeing fruit in my life. Spreading the fragrance of Christ wherever I go.  It's laughable.

Before I spiral into self hatred...remember I am someone who processes out loud and through writing/journaling.  Normally this material would be the kind of stuff I would write privately in a journal for only my eyes to see...and I do not share it here begging for attention.  My sister told me last night I was far too hard on myself...and she is right.  I have always held myself to an impossible standard of perfection and that is not godly either.  I find grace extremely hard to extend to others so obviously extending grace to myself is even harder to me to do.  No, I write it here because I liken it to public baptism.  Sometimes you have to expose the brutal truth and admit out loud that you see it in yourself and you're calling it out in yourself.  Sometimes you have to stand up and tell everyone enough is enough and it's time for a change...and saying it out loud makes it more real.  It draws the kind of attention to the change so you're less likely to pretend later you didn't say it.  I could write this in a journal, close the pages and walk away doing nothing to turn my life around.  I don't want that. 

The video at the top of this post is a JJ Heller song I found a few days ago that was really a catalyst for this introspection.  Here are the lyrics:

This year
I'm not looking back to who I was
Because I'm gonna be someone I've never been
This year
I'm not focused on the cracks in the walls
Not keeping track of all the times I fall
This year

So long to the last year
It's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight the good fight
Train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here. Happy New Year!

This year
I can't wait to see what good will come
To feel alive instead of feeling numb
This year
I plan on thinking less of I and me
I resolve to thing of us and we
This year

So long to the last year
It's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight the good fight
Train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here.
Happy New Year, Happy New Year!

I miss that 20-something girl who was out to change the world. She was passionate about telling teenagers they had value.  She could spend hours in worship, lost in God's tangible presence. She was going to devote her life to ministry in some way.  She loudly laughed unapologetically.  She cared far less what people thought of her than her 38-year old counterpart does.  It was pretty easy for her to be silly and thoughtful.  It didn't take the work it feels like it takes now. She was a lot quicker to forgive. She wanted to make a difference in people...she wanted to show them Jesus. She was less cynical, less sarcastic and a lot less foul-mouthed.

Something pure and innocent in us takes a hit as we get older. I guess I'm grieving what that younger me thought life was.  She was naive.  She wasn't perfect: she was judgy and full of weird religious stuff that needed to be dropped.  But she wasn't entirely wrong.  She knew God was good.  She believed He forgave and restored and she told people He did.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24 

I don't want to go back and be that 20-something self again.  No, I want to be the 38-year old self that God has called me to be...and who I've been is not it.  What life has thrown at me over the last 2 decades has purpose but I've not stewarded it well.  That is really what I want to change...how I respond to this life.  It will unfold as it does...often without my input first.  I'm tired of acting like a victim of it.  That is not how a Godly woman acts.  As Robin Jones Gunn puts it: I am a victim of Grace.  God's sweet, pure, loving grace.  And those around me should be able to see more than just a smidgen of that if I say I am His.  A million things about God and His church have changed in me over the years but that has not: I AM HIS.  Time to act like it.

Resurrection

May 14th, 2012 I asked God to resurrect my son, Jaxson.

May 15th, 2012 Jax was stillborn and I held his 1lb body in my arms. 

God did not resurrect his flesh like we asked.

6 days ago a 2 year old little girl died suddenly in her sleep and her Bethel worship-leader parents asked their church to stand with them to ask God to resurrect her.

The subsequent days of praying, worshiping, posting on social media and fundraising by Bethel have grabbed my attention and I've watched and read the unfolding of the story as it's gained traction on the internet. 

Can God resurrect this little girl?  I believe 100% can CAN.  I don't believe he will. And not because I'm jaded that God didn't answer my request to revive Jaxson.  But because I've come into more fully formed beliefs about eternity over the years.

There are 2 kinds of resurrection mentioned in scripture by Jesus: an earthly resurrection like that of Jarius' daughter and Lazarus.  Jesus raised them for his own purposes, to verify his power, and glorify his Father.  The other is an eternal resurrection: when the dead in Christ are raised to life and we rule and reign with him for eternity in the New Jerusalem on a remade earth.

I know the devastation of the abrupt loss of a child and subsequent grief that wrecks your days.  I know the heart cry that bursts forth begging God to change it.  I know the big faith it takes to ask God for something impossible and even bigger faith to believe He will do it. 

But I also know God doesn't generally respond when we back him into a corner and demand that he prove himself. You can't just put on a big worship conference, blast the prayer request all over social media and think God HAS to come through for you because of your giant faith. Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe this family honestly wanted to ask God for a miracle and asked their church family to stand with them in prayer.  THAT IS FINE.  But they happen to attend a megachurch with a feverish following online and frankly, their grief is being turned into a circus.  Real people are going to be affected by the non-resurrection of this little girl.  Not just the hurting family who won't get her back but the thousands of people with shallow faith following the cult-like behavior of Bethel who will undoubtedly call into question God's goodness by his refusal.

 The blindspot I see while everyone keeps asking for her resurrection SIX DAYS after she died is that SHE HAS ALREADY TASTED RESURRECTION! She is with Jesus!  Would YOU want to come back to earth after tasting the goodness of Jesus' presence?  Me neither.

Let's please remember: Jaxson's perfectly remade body was dancing with Jesus when we scattered his earthly ashes at Mt Rainier.  And one day, Ken and Liv and I will join him.  We wish we had him now and I will never not wish he had stayed with us; that God had preserved his life or intervened or even resurrected.  But God didn't.  And I don't blame him for that.  He is Sovereign and despite Pastor Bill Johnson's claims that not all die in God's timing (that's just outright heresy) no one lives or dies without God's input.

The bigger point is that we have no mind to conceive of eternity.  This life is so short lived...life without Jax. And I'm not looking forward to some fluff pink cloud heaven with harps and streets of gold...because heaven wasn't made for us humans.  This earth was.  So one day it will be remade and Jesus will be WITH us and we will experience with Jaxson EVERYTHING we missed on this side of eternity. We will get to make all of that lost time up.  Because when God rights a wrong he does it well.  The wrong is this fallen earth: but He redeems!

I believed in resurrection. I still do. But I'll take the eternal kind over the temporal every single time.  I weep for this family.  I've walked their road.  And I can say with confidence that God will walk with them through the pain and redeem this loss.  I really wish their pastor would tell them this. 

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Rev 21: 1-5

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25-26

 

Time to come down a notch

We're coming up on 4 months ago that I had a hair-brained idea to sell our house, change careers and move back to Southern Idaho.

And my body is going, "Yeah, this has been great but let's go on vacation instead. I need a break STAT."

I told my sister this morning that I can feel the all pent up adrenaline finally starting to wind down and now that we are getting most of the loose ends settled around here my physical body is kinda deflating like when you let the air out of a balloon all at once. I feel like I have hit a wall and I could sleep for a solid week. Don't mind me...I'll be over here zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So the latest development is that we have moved out of my sister's 5th wheel and into an apartment much closer to my work. No more 1+ hr commute!  I'm 15 minutes from my office and when Ken has to sub or take Liv to preschool he is driving against all the bad traffic. Woop! Woop!

It's a little weird living in an apartment again...reminds me of college...but those were good years :)  It's a cute 2 bedroom with just enough space for us, our downsized life and a 6lb cat. Clean, relatively quiet, with a pool I plan to enjoy this summer and a little playground for Liv.  The neighbor across the patio from us who greeted us our first day moving in is 108 years old, deaf as a doornail and absolutely adorable with a cute puppy named Barkley Liv will instantly be friends with. So far, no complaints.

The 5th wheel was fun and all...*cough*...a MAJOR shout out to my sister and her extremely patient hubby for sharing their home, trailer, kitchen, kids bathroom, backyard lawn and garage refrigerator with us for 6 weeks.  It was...well, we're all still friends and that's what matters most! In all seriousness, they were generous, kind and patient with a crazeball family of 3 in full upheaval.

I've settled into work at a RE/MAX office in Boise that I'm more than qualified to be a part of thanks to all my years of experience keeping Rocky in line. Frankly, this is a walk in the park so far!  LOL! For the time being I have my own office (subject to change as we grow), super kind co-workers and the anticipation of office growth that will let me do more Transaction Coordinating which is what I want to do more of. Every new adventure comes with quirks and the need to be flexible but all in all I think I landed a good gig and it's paying the bills so no complaints.

Ken recently passed his 4th class of the semester and should have just enough time to finish a 5th before we pay for another set of classes at the end of the year.  His mentor thinks he's a rockstar (and of course, he is) and seems impressed with his focus and drive to knock out these classes.  He's substitute teaching for one of the school districts and hasn't had any trouble picking up 1-2 sub jobs a week to get his foot in the door teaching and networking...not to mention bringing in another needed paycheck.

Liv started preschool last month and loves it as I knew she would.  Her teacher is so fabulous and Ken is Mr Mom dropping her off twice a week and chaperoning her class field trip to the pumpkin patch next week. She comes home with the cutest artwork some of which makes its debut in my office...my favorite being a painting of a racoon that she brought home and proudly told my mom was a painting of a "macaroon."

My mom and sister each watch Liv 1 day a week while Ken subs so she gets lots of cuddle time with Nana and Papa and playtime with her cousins.  Next week they are taking all 3 cousins to a harvest-themed bouncy playground and we plan to trunk or treat with my bestie and her little boy for Halloween.

Plus, Ken and I can actually go on more dates now!  Say what?  We bought tickets for the PBR this month and I have my eye on a weekend jaunt to McCall in November for our 15th anniversary. More babysitters to choose from here...something I'm not used to calling on and is taking some adjusting to my pride to ask for help.  Ken was subpoenaed for court this month and the back and forth with the prosecutor with my mom on standby for last minute Liv duty was super stressful to me.  Thankfully he didn't end up having to drive back to Okanogan county for court but I'm so thankful that I have more options here for help since I don't have flexibility in this job to stay home with her.  That too is a big adjustment.  As much as I struggled being a stay at home mom I miss the mom camaraderie and time letting Buggy hang with friends. Jamie and Kaila...Tim Horton's iced caps are calling my name!  SNIFF

Well...fall is here...it's getting freaking cold outside but that also means holidays are coming.  Super excited to be in Boise for Christmas and do all the Christmasy things that were hit and miss before depending on when/if I was in town.  Back home and feeling so good :)

Missing our Oroville family...our little church and all the wonderful people there...my girlfriends, MOPS group, RE/MAX co-workers, my beloved Blue Hairs and my neighbor, Priya. Not missing any drama. Bye Felicia.

XOXO and peace out from the Treasure Valley.

Counting Chickens

I've worked in real estate for over 10 years and I have 1 major rule:

Don't. Count. Your. Chickens. 🐔

As in...don't count your chickens before they've hatched.  For real estate this means don't say you've sold your house until it has actually recorded.  Don't assume it's a done deal when you sign the purchase and sale!!!!  I've seen deals fall apart the DAY OF CLOSING!  Yes, you read that right.  The Buyer goes to the title company to sign their closing docs only to find our the Lender just called and pulled their financing.  I've seen deals fall apart because a high maintenance Seller needed one more set of initials and he was tired of driving to town to get the fax and send it back so he flat out refused. Even though EVERYTHING else was completed and the money wired to the title company.  Seriously.

So only a handful of people know the exact story behind the sale of our house for this very reason.  Not because I'm superstitious or even faithless but because I've seen super weird stuff happen.  I was trying VERY hard not to count my chickens.

And Friday we recorded so now I can tell you my impossible story.

Again, I've been doing this for over 10 years so I have a fairly good grasp on my Oroville market. I've watched the market rise and fall, change, stall, and inventory go up and down. Even though we only recently decided to sell our house and move, I've been watching what my house was worth for years as the sales changed the values around me. I'm always curious how long I'd be upside down in the house and what it would take to pay it off if I absolutely had to sell.  That information was front and center at the end of June when we decided to take this leap and list.

Let me say that we purchased our home in a relatively good market but it has certainly softened since we bought in 2010. We had a very simple residential home on the south side of town.  Not too long ago there were real estate signs in practically every yard around us...all of them comparable to ours: 3 beds, 1 bath, in town...ours had a couple of advantages: corner lot and giant garage.  Many homes were sandwiched between others with no covered parking.  But other than that, I knew what to expect from our home.  IF WE WERE VERY LUCKY we would break even.  I was sure of it.  Could back it up with comps.  I did an official CMA (comparative market analysis) like the ones we do for other listings on my own home and the results were less than favorable.  I actually sent an email to our title company asking for closing costs on my worst case scenario so I would know how much cash I'd have to bring to the table to close and not actually have to short sell.

I told Ken all of this and we decided that the bottom line was a move to Boise was the best thing for our family even if it wasn't the best time to sell our home.  I'd never been under any illusions that we'd ever really make any money on the sale of our home no matter how long we lived in it because the market changes so often.  Oroville is simply not a place where you can easily flip homes for profit just by living in it a few years.

So we listed.   I knew a home like mine would likely attract first time home buyers with no down payment so I assumed I would need to cover someone's closing costs.  I factored that into my list price along with closing costs and commission and added a tiny bit of room so I could negotiate.

The pros of my listing: large corner lot in town, giant garage, new flooring, updated windows, well cared for and staged pretty well ifidosaysomyself.  Most importantly: almost no competition of inventory.  Suddenly there were very few options in town to buy in our price range.

Cons of my listing: only 1 bath, no central heat or air, appraisal values feeling a bit like a crapshoot.

I DO have to say, Rocky did a fabulous job on our photos.  Oroville isn't exactly the kind of place where you also spend $1,000 on a fancy photographer to manipulate the way your home looks in real life.  Rocky has several beautiful cameras and an eye for real estate photography and that does just fine thankyouverymuch.

Monday by 5pm: listing hits the MLS (multiple listing service)
Tuesday: 2 showings and an offer (yes you read that right...an offer the next day)
Wednesday day: another showing. (This amount of interest is a bit unusual)
Wednesday evening: another offer. (Say WHAT?)  Both offers were the same price but different details.

So we asked for highest and best which means, "you guys are at the same number and you might not know you're competing with another offer so double check your numbers and come back with your very best offer cuz I might not counteroffer..." also...this is sometimes called a bidding war.  NEVER thought I'd have a bidding war on my hands.

Both offers came back strong. But one of them was ultimately OVER ASKING PRICE with an escalation clause!!!!!!!  An escalation clause means they want the house so bad they are willing to beat anyone else's offer by a certain amount up to a maximum number. (BTW, in 10 years I've only ever seen 1 escalation clause.  This summer, my home was one of 4 escalation clauses that came through the office.  so. weird.)

Oh yeah. And it was cash. 💵 NO APPRAISAL.

yes.

The only hitch was that this Buyer had to sell a home in order to have the cash to buy mine.  However, they were coming from a much larger Washington city so after a phone call to a RE/MAX office in that area to chat about their market I felt confident that I wouldn't be waiting forever for the sale of their home.

And I was right.
Friday: accepted their offer and opened escrow

They listed their home 2 days later, accepted and offer on their home within 2 days of listing and passed the home inspection on it the following day.

Then we had our home inspection and THEY ASKED FOR NOTHING.  That almost NEVER happens.  It just doesn't happen.  No matter how short or long the list everyone asks for SOMETHING.  They didn't.

Finally: we closed on time.  So very rare. Nearly every deal needs an extra day here or there for all kinds of reasons.  or 2 weeks. or a month. We didn't.  Neither did the sale of their home.  Closed exactly when it was supposed to so we could close when we were supposed to.

Multiple offers. 

Bidding wars. 

Escalation clauses. 

Cash. 

No home inspection call-outs. 

No appraisal. 

Closed on time.

God made the way for us to move. Sure, our sale could have had none of these things and it would have just been the usual run around that often happens when you sell a house and we still would have trusted that God wanted us to move...but the path was so clear it just amazes me.  And Ken has heard enough of my stories over the years that as our sale unfolded he was every bit as shocked as me for how smoothly it happened.

For sure the easiest residential sale I've ever seen 10 years.

Bonus: we really felt like our kitty Phoebe wouldn't make a move to Boise very well so I went looking for a new home for her.  After a few leads didn't pan out I posted a picture of her on local Facebook groups.  Somehow our Buyers saw the posting and knew it was me (I'm not sure how...I don't use my last name of FB) and she contacted her Agent.  They said Pheebs could stay with the home and they would adopt her. 🐾🐈

SERIOUSLY???? What kind of a God thing is it that our own territorial cat who loves that home as much as we did would actually get to stay with the home as new owners took over?

God is so good.
So. Good.

So it's goodbye Blue house (as Liv called it) and hello 5th Wheel in my sisters backyard
🤣🏡🥔🚙

Idaho is home but Washington has been good to us. I loved that blue house. I'll miss putting in the garden each year, decorating for Christmas, Liv's nursery. The fabulous neighbors we came to know and love. I made that house my home. It will be missed. But it's time for a new adventure and a new home. 💙

I have a 3 year old?

What is this madness?  Liv is THREE???

Girlfriend has personality coming out of every part of her.  She looks more and more like her daddy every day but has more and more of her mom's spunk and sass every day too.  It's fun and terrifying.

I was looking back through my journal of stuff I keep about her and here are a few gems from this last year:

• I was singing songs from the Sound of Music at the top of my lungs across the house from her and her dad who were in our bed.  As I yelled from the kitchen, "love my song?" she absolutely didn't miss a stinking beat yelling back, "NO SONG!"
• "Baby's head (meaning hair), Brown!"  I say, "Yes, Baby, your hair is brown.  Good job."  The she says, "Mommy head: red!"  "Yes, Baby, Mommy's hair is red!"  "Daddy head: grey."  😲
• She calls Ken's patrol car the Woo-Woo because of the noise its siren makes.  She also has shoes that light up red and blue when she stomps which she calls her Woo-Woo-Shoes.
• She knows her numbers 1-20 but when she learned the teens she got very literal and calls them 1-teen, 2-teen, 3-teen...hahahaha  close.
• Lately when she crawls in bed with me in the morning I say, "Good morning, Baby" and she returns, "Morning, Mama.  Nice to meet you."
• She ran to me the other day to tell me she was "skeered."  I could tell she wasn't actually afraid so I asked, what is scary, Liv?  "Dragon."  Oh? Where do you see a dragon? "The mountain" pointing to the mountain west of our house.  Ken asked her what color it was. "Orange."  Okay then.  She also sees a Mommy kangaroo and Olivia Kangaroo down the street in the neighbor's trees and apparently they are yellow.  now you know.

She loves Minnie Mouse, painting, being chased by her daddy, play-doh and kinetic sand, jumping, reading books, in particular the Pigeon books (she has the Pigeon finds a hot dog memorized and can "read" it to me.)

The ladies at church conduct "Olivia Church" on Sunday mornings so she gets her own Sunday School class.  We go to MOPS twice a month and a playgroup twice a month and fill in lots of other activities in the meantime.  This summer we look forward to swimming, kayaking, splash pads, park days in Canada (WOOOOOP Tim Hortons!!) and other fun stuff.  

I have to watch my filthy mouth now because she picked up "Oh my gosh" from me...coulda been much worse.  She's never met a stranger and I'm terrified she'll just wander off with someone someday if I don't watch her like a hawk.  She'll start preschool in the fall (WHAAAAAAAT??)  I know.  I'm dead.

OK 3.  Here we go!  

💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

The 2's are herrrrrre

dun. dun. duuuuunnnnnnnnn.

Aaaaaaaand we've hit the big TWO.  As in, Olivia Hope is 2 years old and how in the HECK did I get a two year old?  For YEARS I would have said I wasn't a baby person and then after Jaxson and infertility and everything I was so desperate to be a mom I kinda forgot about the non-baby-person thing.

Now I don't have a baby anymore.  I have a toddler and I want to amend my previous statement.  I'm not a toddler person.  BUT.  I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY love MY toddler.

But she's still 2.

Honestly, she's hysterical.  I mean, some of my friends with kiddos coming up on 2 are mourning the baby months and are ready to have another.  Not me.  I think every new thing Liv does is better than the last thing she did.

Except.  Well, she's still 2.  So let's start with the not-as-stellar stuff.  Like:

1. She's taken to throwing things when she's not happy.  And we're really trying to not pick up after her but have her learn first of all, not to throw, and second of all, that she has to pick up whatever she threw.  But ya'll know that's an imperfect and lengthy learning curve so basically the bottoms of my feet are bruised and beaten from stepping on said thrown items.  sigh.

2. She's a screamer.  She screams when she's happy but more often she screams when she's angry.  And when she doesn't get her way.  Or when she's been told no.  Or when she wants to watch Peppa and I haven't been fast enough with the remote.  sigh.

3.  Why didn't anyone tell me baby-proofing your house is not for when they're babies?  I thought you baby-proofed when they start crawling and toddling about learning to walk so they don't fall into stuff.  Now I know.  It should be called toddler-proofing and it's for when she falls behind the TV while I'm in the shower.  Or when she climbs up the front of the microwave cart for whatever she thinks she needs off the top.

C'est la vie.

And now for the stellar stuff:

1. Girlfriend knows how to run a ruse to get you out of the way so she can steal your chair.  It's unreal.  She'll bat her eyes at you and say please and when you get up to find out what it is that she's asking so nicely for she cuts left, runs around you and straight up steals the recliner.

2.  She's. So. Ticklish.

3.  I love hearing her learn new words.  Like "mouf" for mouse.  And Two.  Now that she IS two she's been saying the word two a lot more.  She so chatty (TOTES like her momma that way) there's a sort of nonsense bunch of sounds she makes before she says an actual word you'd recognize...but I absolutely love trying to figure out what she's trying to tell me because she's trying so hard to get me to understand.

4.  or funny...sometimes she won't say the word but instead uses a sound.  Like water...she won't say the word water.  She has a very specific sound for that.  And she won't say the word monkey...she makes the sound a monkey makes when she refers to them.

5. She LOVES to be outside.  She digs in the dirt in a large basin I  used to plant flowers in.  Now it's for digging, naturally.  She had swimming lessons this spring and she really loves the water.  Yesterday I bought her a tiny swimming pool for the yard and I have a feeling it's going to be a major hit.  She loves stomping all over my ground cover in the front yard, squishing bugs, blowing bubbles and playing with sidewalk chalk.

6.  She's got a major crush on our friend Max who is about to graduation high school.  I've been friends with Max's parents since college and remember when he was born...so to have him be so grown up now and playing so well with Liv is adorable.  Last night at youth group, Max's little sister came through the door first and she shot up and ran towards her but immediately kept going past her looking around the corner for Max.  She knew he was coming.  And she knew he'd hide behind the wall in our living room and jump out and scare her.  She runs and dives into the couch and gives Max a great workout.  But it wears her out before bed so I'm grateful.

Oh my heart.  I love you so much and I can't believe you're 2.  sniff.  They say it goes by fast.  I had no idea just how fast.  xoxoxo