Thoughts on marriage

" I see you, Devil.  And I declare war."

A wrote this on my Facebook wall a few weeks ago.  Not surprisingly, I've felt like a target has been on my back, so to speak, ever since.

You can't shine a spotlight on the undercover plans of the enemy and not expect them to come out swinging.  And so he has.  Bring it on.  All it's really done is riled me up even more.

I'm seeing the goal: undermine an individual. destroy a marriage. bomb a family. forfeit a society. repeat.

Gotta start somewhere if you want to take the system down.  Personally, I'm seeing the strategy where I live as taking out marriages.  The devil feeds a bunch of lies to one spouse, who gulps them down, turns on the other spouse and bails.  By taking out 1 person you effectively take out an entire family.

The consequences of those decisions then send a ripple effect for YEARS.

In a couple of generations of this you end up with a broken society with a bunch of hopeless, confused, angry, wounded people running around inflicting their own pain on everyone around them.

I'm aware that I'm seriously over simplifying here and I'm aware that both spouses have a share of blame in the demise of a marriage...but in general, this is what I see at work.  And to set off the chain of dominoes you really only have to take out 1 person.

In the 8 years we've lived in Oroville I personally know of 24 divorces that have been filed.  In a town of less than 2,000 people, 24 is a ridiculously high number for those more or less in my circle.

Now let me temporarily flash side-ways.

Have you heard of the Nashville Statement?  It's an evangelical "manifesto" of marriage and gender identity.  And it's blowing up social media.  Of course there is a ton of backlash on anyone having the nerve to state that the Bible declares marriage to be between 1 man and 1 woman in lifetime covenant under God. 

My point isn't to argue the 14 points of the manifesto, or whether or not it should have been named after a city in TN, or argue about how we should treat people who genuinely feel that were born in the wrong body or fight about if someone should be allowed to name their domestic partner in their insurance papers.  I have varying opinions on these matters that could fill a blog another time.

My point is to state that the objective of the enemy is clear: If we can break down the family unit, we can destroy society. 

And newsflash:  it's working.

Without going into a lot of detail, I've been privy to some statistics recently concerning kids in my community and some of the details are alarming.  I'm shocked at the number of kids saying they are depressed or full of anger they don't know how to direct.  They find illicit substances in their own homes and have easy access to alcohol.  Rarely is anyone policing these items especially if there is only 1 legal guardian in the home (and frequently that person is not a parent but another family member.) 

Why would a child find themselves in need of medicating their depression and anger?  Why would they need to numb low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness? Why would they turn to addictive substances if they felt loved and cared for at home?  If their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs were being met?  For a millions reasons, really, but there is NO WAY you can convince me that there isn't a connection between rising emotional and mental issues with kids and the increasing number of broken homes in our society.

I'm a firm believer in something called Generational blessing and cursing.  There is a strong correlation between 1 generation experiencing things like addiction, divorce and teen pregnancy and the next generation following in it's footsteps.  Often broken homes beget broken homes.  Teen mothers have kids that also become teen mothers.  And so I firmly believe that our society doesn't function within a bubble.  The choices we individually make absolutely DO affect those around us.  The Apostle Paul wrote in his second letter to the Corinthian church that when 1 part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers.  This isn't just in reference to the Christian Body but is also a picture of human interaction.  We do not live isolated lives.

And so when someone hurts and feels broken and makes broken choices, it 100% affects those around them.  First and foremost, your marriage partner, your children, your immediate family, your extended family and then on to your neighbors and friends.  Think of the last time you knew a friend was struggling with something...you felt their hurt, right?  And when you see the consequences of someone's actions you feel those consequences yourself.

Why does it matter that I'm writing about this?  Because the broken lives of friends around me...those 24 broken marriages... makes my heart hurt.  The suffering they are experiencing is walking around in their spouse.   In their children.  In their church.  In their workplace.  The broken identity, the hopelessness, the anger, the entitlement, the pride...it rubs off on others and we wear the stains of each other on ourselves because we are bound together. 

So yeah.  It matters to me.  It matters to me if you walk out on your marriage.  It matters to me when your addiction makes your children feel like they have to compete for your attention.  It matters to me when your identity is skewed by the devil's lies...an entire generation's morals is being re-written to accommodate your choices. It matters to me if you are imprisoned in depression, anger, greed, fear or hatred. 

Why do we Christians talk about our faith and supposedly interfere in the lives of other people?   The World says, "They should just mind their own business.  They just want to make everyone exactly like them.  They want to strip everyone of their rights and interrupt everyone's fun."

If there's a way out of your chains, don't you want to know about it?  If there is a light at the end of the tunnel don't you want to be led there?  If there are answers to the things you search for and are not finding do you want someone to tell you?

This is the Good News.  That Jesus Saves.  That faith in Him can CHANGE YOU.  That we don't all have to be exactly the same but when we see another in bondage we should SAY SOMETHING.

World:  I'm not always going to say what you want to hear.  I can't always pat you on the back and tell you the path you're on is going to eventually make you happy.  I can't always tell you it'll eventually be OK.  Sometimes you gotta hear that you're wrong.  That what you've been fed is a bunch of lies.  That you're letting the enemy win.

I'm speaking my truth.  #sorrynotsorry

I have a toddler

sniff.

I cannot believe how fast that happened.  One minute she's 6 pounds and seems so breakable.  I'm terrified that she's not breathing in her sleep and check on her every 10 minutes.  I worry about her rolling off something or being swaddled too tight or the cats licking her face.

Now she's walking.  Toddling everywhere.  She's absolutely filthy from the office tile floors and the other day I caught her just as she was about to eat a bug.  I pick Cheerios up off the floor and give them to back to her.

Liv is such a JOY.  My bestie mentioned the other day that she seems to be such a happy baby and I couldn't agree more.  She is CONSTANTLY babbling happily.  When we drove to Sunnyside a few weekends ago she talked. the. entire. way. all. 5. hours.  :/

She's also quite...shall we say, aggressive?  :/  Hilarity ensued when she and her twin cousins wrestled at Grandma's.  All 3 just giggled and rolled all over each other.  But Liv was extra WWE.  She body slammed poor Teddy.  Thank goodness they are so gentle with her but as she gets bigger we may be giving them permission to deck her in order to get her off them.  #girlscanwrestletoo

Now that's she's walking I can REALLY see her babiness melt away into this feisty little girl.  She also finally learned to take a sippy cup.  She wandered past my desk drinking the sippy and holding graham cracker and I just though, "where did this kid come from?"  I thought I had a newborn still.

She just LOVES to be outside with me while I garden and she LOVES animals.  It's joy overload when she's in the front yard and all the neighborhood dogs are barking.  We all have chain link fences so she can see them running, jumping and barking.  What usually annoys me about these loud animals roaming the streets has turned into a laugh fest as I hear her happy screeches.

Ken and I laughed so hard the other day by some expressions on her little face...she cracks herself up and has this certain hahaha that lets us know she knows something is a special treat just for her.

I honestly don't even know how to end this post...I never ever knew how much fun babies could be.  Never really having been a good baby-person (give me teenagers any day)  I just love how much joy bubbles up in me when I'm with this child :D

Almost 1!

My baby girl is 25 days away from turning a year old.

 Wow...had no idea 12 months could fly by that fast.  Especially when all the years before crawled by at a snails pace.

Buggy is SO. FAST!  She started crawling about 2 months ago and it's amazing to watch her discover that something new improves her life...as soon as she figured out crawling would get her close to something she wanted to inspect she was OFF!

A little over a week ago she started pulling herself up against the couches and now she barely holds on with one hand as she reaches for whatever is in the pillows...include sleeping cats.  Phoebe. is. not. impressed.  Thankfully, Pheebs also does not scratch/swipe/bite/attack her.  Praise the Jesus. 

They could be friends. Sometimes.

She also does this:

 

 

If there is any doubt that I was involved in making her (since she looks exactly like her daddy)  just listen for her screeching like a banshee.  Or watch her get excited around her little friends when they come over.  She gets right up in their face and she lets loose a scream of glee that generally makes them burst into tears.  Yup. That's all me.

 

She still doesn't eat solid foods very well although we are making strides with the puffs snacks.  finally.  But small pieces of bread/fruit/veggies are a no go.  pureed only.  So we head to Seattle next week to have her tongue tie snipped.  I've got all my eggs in this basket that after she recovers we'll see major strides forward in her ability to chew. 

 

chewing = eating more = staying full = sleeping longer = happier mom

 

Liv still comes to work with me in the mornings since daddy's on night shift until the end of the month.  I have a makeshift baby gate to contain her in the corner of the office foyer.  she can't see me.  she generally doesn't like it.  So most of the time she sits in her high chair looking out the office window.  Once daddy moves to day shift we'll have weekends off and nights together but mom will be bringing her into the office ALL. DAY.  pray for me.  she refuses to sleep at the office. except when she accidentally dozes off in her jumperoo...

 

 

 

She is a MAJOR giggler.  and SOOOOO ticklish.  I love that sound.  LOVE the sound of her laugh.  It echoes around the room.  It's so easy to get her going and it's funny to see her sorta wiped out after laughing so hard for so long.  Yesterday she tried tickling Ken's knee!!  So cute how they copy everything.  So cute for now, I'm sure.  haha.  And then there's the pillows.  Put a pillow or blanket on the floor and she's all about it. 

 

 

She has 5 teeth and a 6th broke through yesterday.  She's got such a beautiful smile anyway but the pearly whites only enhance that.  Sometimes I just can't stop staring at her.  Her wide, beautiful hazel eyes and long lashes.  stop it. 

 

Nana and Papa and Grandma are all coming for her first birthday and we've invited her birthday buddy, Dwayne, and all his family to join us.  I'm thinking smash cakes for both the 1 year old AND the 44 year old.  *smirk*

 

It's been a whirlwind of a year.  Sometimes it's sad to see a season go but more often whatever she's on to next is so much fun I don't miss what we left behind.  She's not so tiny or innocent :D anymore but she's so curious and funny and sassy.  I can't wait for her to be able to tell me what she wants and needs.  I think she knows what Mama and Dada are but usually it comes out mamamamama and dadadada or as my mom loves: nananananana

 

At the end of the day there are still snuggles.  I hope she never grows out of that.  Happy almost 1st birthday, Buggy.  Mama loves you to the moon and back. xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

O Night Divine

A year ago we were finding out the little bump I showed was a little girl growing.  Now that peanut is a giggly, chatty, sassy 7 month old.  Our Christmas miracle.

As I write this she is rolling around on the quilt Nana and Papa made her surrounded by toys passed down from her twin cousins.  On her tummy she constantly taps her foot like she's contemplating something.  Probably how exactly to get the tabby-thingies off the toy.  A cat walks by and she lets loose a squeal several octaves higher than humans can generally hear.  Even though her voice is generally in the lower range, she can screech with the best of them.  Once she gets a little sleepier I'll put her in her swing and she will turn her head to stare at the lights on the Christmas tree next to her.  She'll get really quiet and if I could lay a soundtrack down to the scene before me it would be O Holy Night.

 

I digress into weepy sentimentalism.  In truth, while being our Christmas miracle, she's also either in a sleep regression and/or a big growth spurt because she isn't giving me much sleep these days.  She's also coming with me to work 2 days a week for the full day now due to Dad's new shift.  We're getting through it (she refuses to nap for me) thanks to the high chair I brought in and placed in front of the big picture window.  She watches all the people go by and happily kicks her legs while gnawing on a toy.  With 2 bottom teeth popped through, everything goes in her mouth and watch out for fingers...she can bite hard!

She quite a bit more mobile and upright too.  She rolls consistently and can get across the floor much faster than I anticipated.  She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to bounce: on someone's knee, standing up on your lap, in a floor bouncer toy, in a johnny jumper...anywhere.  She likes her high chair and her bouncy chair because now those 2 things mean food: oatmeal cereal, squash, peas and sweet potatoes are a hit.  Carrots were met with a lot of "meh."  I've tried my hand at making food too and it's been very successful! Plug for a cool baby contraption that no one needs but is super cool anyway: Infantino Food Storage squeezable baggies and matching spoons.  Very. Cool.

Our girl is SO Happy.  She giggles and squeals easily and for no reason at all.  She grins at strangers and has found her voice at home: super loud cawing like a parrot.  Hilarious. Of course, she is strongly encouraged by her father to mimic his sounds and loud squawking is his specialty.

We're encouraging her to entertain her social side (I doubt she will be shy)...we've been on several road trips, we have a weekly new-moms-first-baby coffee group (Mr Noah has a crush on her...super cute because he's a younger man), we've left her with a couple of babysitters already and she charms everyone she meets...especially our ever-growing list of grandma's from church and Bible Study as well as self-proclaimed Grandpa Rocky who can get a bit distracted by her at the office.  Most importantly, we went on our first family vacation in early December to the Oregon Coast.  She didn't seem interested in the sea lions but I think she liked the ocean :)

Well, Merry Christmas from our family to yours...and if I neglected to send you a copy of our Christmas card just know that it's this picture with a loving "Bah Humbug from Olivia" on the bottom.  xoxo

6 months!

This is the face I'm admiring today:

Leaves me breathless.  Today we are halfway through that marathon 1st year when practically EVERYTHING happens.  I cannot believe how fast this is going!

Those cheeks are just irresistible! 

We have a full-fledged giggler on our hands.  Such a happy girl, it's so easy to make her laugh and get her to respond to us.  She's starting to mimic sounds and even "growls" at daddy.  She recognizes us and visibly responds when we walk in the room...squirming and chittering and giving wide grins when she sees us. 

She's a little jumperoo now too.  If she's on your knee better get ready to hold her FOREVER while she bronco rides back and forth :D  Had to get a jonny jumper to save our tired arms and legs!  She bounce, bounce, bounces like Tigger now!  Ken calls her his little cowgirl and credits lots of country music in the house lately for influencing her.

She can FINALLY roll over from her tummy to her back and her back to her tummy.  Stubborn lil critter!  She just wouldn't put her arms down!  But she figured it out and now tummy time is more fun for her and us. 

She recognizes the kitties now too which is hilarious.  If you didn't see the video of her squealing at Phoebe, I'll send it to you...poor Pheebs...as Ken's aunt commented, kitty doesn't know that squeal is going to follow her soon once she gets moving!  Zoey is still staying far away but Phoebe just can't help herself.  I see scratches in everyone's future. 

I need to give mad props to this punkin.  She is a great traveler!  We flew to Boise alone, went on a girls overnight trip to Wenatchee, Blossom Retreat, the Tri-Cities...for living at the end of the world, she's seemed to figure out we have to be OK in our car seat for hours at a time.  She keeps it together pretty well...but there's no place like home. It's adorable to see how well she sleeps once she's back in her own bed in her own room.  She even snores a little.  *squeal!*

So we've started trying solid foods...the rice cereal we tried first was NO BUENO.  That face.  Oh gosh, it was like I was poisoning her!  Oatmeal cereal has gone over much better.  Sweet potato has been OK too.  I'm already teasing Ken that peas are on the list and he cannot feed them to her with a clothespin on his nose...now who's the baby?

We've given up on breastfeeding due to her milk/soy allergy and while it's not my first choice, formula is infinitely easier.  oh well....she's a happier camper with her tummy not hurting, of course!

With the holidays coming, I look forward to seeing everything through her eyes this year.  I can't believe I'm so lucky.  How did we get here?  A beautiful baby getting bigger by the day, blessing our lives and making us so happy.  Next, crawling, walking, talking?  EEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Rejoice in Hope

How is it possible she is this big already?

5 months next week.

5 months that our world has been happier, sleepier, funnier, and more full of love than ever before.  This girl fills our lives so completely I have no idea what we did with ourselves before she got here.

A wiggle-monster...this girl is ready to MOVE.  At a certain point she wiggles so much you know she just wants to be on her back so she can KICK!  She can roll from her back to her tummy but she can't go from her tummy to her back.  She's got such a strong neck and back she just arches like Superman on her stomach and never puts her arms down for support.  Queue screaming after a few minutes because that's got to make your back ache! 

Her very favorite thing is to swing on the front or back yard swings.  She can sit on your lap swaying quietly forever as long as it's light enough to watch squirrels, trees, the kitties, pretty much anything that moves. 

She's a big girl now who sleeps in her own crib!  Mom has to check to make sure she's breathing more now that she's not next to her bed especially because the video monitor doesn't show her tummy moving very easily...but the sleep is more restful for everyone in general.  She's a FABULOUS sleeper!  Got her mom's genes there!  She can sleep 8 hours straight on days she gets stubborn and won't nap much. 

We discovered about a month ago that what we thought was a typical and fairly common milk allergy is really something called FPIES: food protein induced endocolitis syndrome...translation: milk and soy and all their millions of names make her guts really mad.  She was switched to formula and mom cried at the immediate stop of breastfeeding.  But the formula cleared up ALL symptoms and if we thought she was a happy baby before...WOW, she's a REALLY happy baby now!  Poor pumpkin!  We had no idea how much pain she had been in!  She sees a pediatric GI specialist next week to make 100% sure her guts are OK before exploring the idea of breastfeeding again but that means mom has to stick to a pretty ca-razy diet!  Oh well...solid foods are starting SOON! :)

She's SO my daughter by the noise she makes.  Girlfren is a chatterbox!  She will entertain herself in the morning if I'm not up yet and will make your day by the grin she'll give you when you walk in the room.  She's easy to play with and laughs often.  Dad can really get her giggle going too...he's so silly!  What a pair they are...my FAVORITE thing is watching them together.

This motherhood thing is so much better than I ever imagined.  Liv is at such a fun age I just soak her in every day.  Her quirks and personality shine through and it's such a blast being her mom.

Next month she and I will travel to Sun Mountain Lodge for Blossom Ministries' annual retreat where I have spoken for years of losing Jaxson and waiting for a baby...now the embodiment of our hope for a family, I can't wait to introduce her to our extended Blossom Family during this year's theme: Hope as an Anchor.  God is so good!

11 Weeks...Oh My!

My punk-a-do is 11 weeks old tomorrow morning.

Say Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa????

This girl is growing FAST! She can hold her head up pretty well on her own.  She does NOT like tummy time.  She loves to kick her legs and flail her arms when she is both excited and very mad.  She has a strange happiness equated with changing her diaper...seriously.  She can finish eating and immediately start crying (dunno what that is about) but as soon as I lay her down on her changing table she starts grinning and blowing bubbles through her lips.  It's certainly a strange go-to these days when she's really upset.  oooookaaaaaaaaay. whatever girlfren.

HELLO with the cuteness kitty booties!

I've been sleeping on the couch for over a month now because the most efficient way to get her to fall asleep at night is in her swing.  I set her off and about a half-hour later I can take her out to lay her on her back but I usually don't make it to her bassinet in our room before she wakes up again so it's a blanket on the floor next to the swing instead...we just chill out there in the living room with the added bonus of not waking Dad up from sleep in our 3am feeding.

Lil Bit is going to work with me a couple of days a week...one full day while Dad works day shift and just for the morning the other day.  Then I take her home around lunchtime and she spends the afternoon with her daddy.  She will take a bottle pretty well from him but only if Mom isn't home and ONLY if the milk is room temperature.  gaaaaaaaah.  But it gives me a fabulous afternoon of freedom that I look forward to because Lord knows I get next to nothing done at work with her there...my boss is AMAZING about letting her come in with me and he gets all Grandpa around her and annoyed when she doesn't come with but a crying baby is not very fun when answering the phone or trying to pump out a contract under the gun.

She is sleeping like a CHAMP!  She'll give me a 4-5 hour stretch at night, then another 3ish after an early morning feeding.  I {heart} her for this luxury SO VERY MUCH!  But during the day she is an eating machine.  She is demanding food about every 1.5-2 hours for the past 3 weeks and counting.  I see no end in sight,  At least it's not 24 hours a day but honestly it's driving me nuts.  Clearly she loves her food as much as her parents do.  I wanna eat that often.

She's a pretty good traveler, this girl.  We've been on a day trip to Wentchee, Sunnyside and Canada twice plus a bunch of trips to Omak.  We should be headed to Spokane soon, Sunnyside again and Boise in September.

I cannot believe how full my heart is with this Lovey.  Ken and I are obviously obsessed with her.  Her sassy personality is already coming through and will probably end up being a spitfire just like her momma although she still resembles her daddy to every single person who meets her.  We don't see it.  Seriously, we don't.  Babies look like babies.  But it's a compliment, I know.  I mean, I married a hottie... amiright?